Living a Dream

So, first off, I'm not going to allow myself to feel guilty for not writing for two and a half months. Or maybe that's my way of talking myself through it so I can let go of it a little easier. I know better than anyone that amazing things happen everyday and by letting this much time pass, I'll have inevitably left some things out. However, each day that I havevn't been writing, I've been living with my beautiful family. And each day has been a dream.

In a few days, Sophie will be seven months old and it's just unbelievable how quickly the time goes. I often look at pictures that we've taken along the way...you know the changes just happen overnight! Our little Sophiebug is sitting up, bouncing up and down, attempting to crawl, babbling up a storm and pulling herself up with just a bit of help from mom and dad. Looking at those pictures reminds me of just how small she really was, how different her cry sounded and how much she has grown and learned. It's a double-edged sword...I can't wait to see what she'll do tomorrow...but I love each day with her, just the way she is!

I am very happy to say that I am still nursing Sophie. Overall, it's been a great experience and what a great feeling to know that I've provided nourishment for our daughter for these past several months. We are working on weaning the middle of the night feedings...one night at a time! She began solid foods a couple of months ago and she has been a very good eater! She's not a big fan of sweet peas, but loves bananas. She also enjoys green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, pears and apples. I've not ventured into making food for her yet, but it is a goal. I want her to have a varied palliate. I've read that now is the time to introduce foods...and that by two years of age she could grow afraid to try new things because it's "unfamiliar". That makes sense, right?

Sophie participated in her first Halloween and had two costumes! The day before Halloween, Sophie had her six month checkup and shots. She is now 18 lbs., and 27.5 inches long (that's 71 percentile weight and 92 percentile for length). Did I mention she's a good eater :) Needless to say on shot day she is not at her best. This time was no exception. She was tender and sleepy most of the day. She had a parade at school so I took her so she could hang out with the rest of the infants and see all of the other little toddlers running around in costumes. It was really adorable. One of my college roomates sent Sophie a ladybug costume (Go Alphas!) so naturally, she was the cuttest SOPHIEBUG! Wyatt and I took Sophie to a party at my inlaws' on Halloween. I felt pretty proud because I made all of our costumes (Betty, Barney and Bam-Bam Rubble). Sophie didn't last very long but we had a great time anyway.

Monday nights are Sophie and Mommy nights because Wyatt plays hockey and then goes for Pizza at Big Ed's. So we usually have bath time and play for a bit before bedtime. Tonight, we read a story, T'was the Night Before Christmas. I know that it's not even Thanksgiving yet but it didn't really matter. Sophie liked it so much she ripped the first page. It warmed my heart beyond belief to sit with her and have that moment with her. There is so much to look forward to. Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas. The New Year. Sophie's first birthday. And for now, they are my memories. But before long, they will also be Sophie's. And that makes me very happy.

Better go so I can tell you all about our last adventure...it deserves a post all of it's own...and Wyatt should be home soon with my half of the ham and cheese calzone!

Growing like a weed and speaking Chinese

It's been a few weeks since I've written and I'm both suprised and disappointed by this. There is so much to record and so many wonderful events that take place daily that I want to remember and one day share with Sophie (although I'm fully aware that we are sharing them now!) It just seems so difficult to find the time (and energy) to sit down and write it all down. Sigh. Note: this is not a complaint! These have been, by far, the best days of my life...

Last Monday was quite eventful, Sophie completed the task of rolling all the way over onto her belly without any assistance from (ahem) yours truly. This one really counted! She really loves to lie in her little ocean and play with the sea creatures, especially the octopus that watches over her. She has found her feet so she loves to hold one foot in her right hand and pull on the bells and whistles inside the ocean with her left. She has also become quite the explorer with her mouth, so everything goes in it! Her hand-eye coordination has become quite good and can bring things up to her mouth and squeals in delight when she's done it...already displaying self confidence, I love it!

We took Sophie to tour Jack Daniels Distillery last week, as well. I know, it sounds a bit inappropriate...but it was really a great trip. It was a gorgeous day and the tour was mostly outside and Sophie really enjoyed herself. She's built up her neck muscles so she can now sit facing forward in her carrier and she was loving it! When she was just a few weeks old, it seemed that this was the only place she wanted to be, as early as two weeks old we were out taking walks, doing the laundry, dishes, even vacuuming with her tucked cozily inside.

At the end of the tour we were given the chance to cool off with some good ole southern lemonade, which was fantastic. Neither Wyatt nor I are big whiskey drinkers but it was interesting seeing how it's made. Sophie wasn't so keen on the lemonade but really enjoyed napping on Wyatt's shoulder while he enjoyed some for himself! She was one tired little girl! After the tour we went to the town square for bbq and icecream and we let all the bikers make funny faces at her. People can't help but love her!

Sophie is quite the little chatterbox these days. I am confident that she has a vocabulary of her very own and I'm pretty sure she was speaking Chinese yesterday while we were getting her ready for school. I've been barking up the wrong tree with Spanish! My favorite book to read to her is "Sophie's Trophy"...a book that Wyatt found before she was born. It's a cute little book about a brother and sister whom are frogs and she is an ugly frog that never wins any trophies like her brother. All the while the book introduces spanish words. And of course Sophie gets her own trophy in the end...Aww.

Sophie is a great companion and loves to explore the outdoors. I've begun running again in the hopes of completing my first marathon in December and Sophie has been training with me. It is her favorite place to be for naptime. She loves the wind in her face and becomes so relaxed with just the first sign of the stroller in motion. It is truly one of my favorite things to do with her. My best friend Tab is usually with us, too, so we have a great time. They both keep me motivated. And being Sophie's mom couldn't make me any more proud. I think part of the reason I want to keep running is so that Sophie will be proud of me. Last December, when I was 25 weeks along, Sophie and I completed the St. Jude's half marathon together. So, I guess I feel like Sophie and I will always have that bond...even if she gets older and doesn't like to run herself.

Tonight we went with Wyatt to watch him play hockey and this was Sophie's first time watching him play. I don't know who was more proud...Sophie watching her dad score a goal or Dad watching Sophie through the glass. I always knew that Wyatt would be a great father. But that phrase "great father" really pales in comparison to watching him with her. It's such a blessing to be able to share not only the day to day tasks of parenthood (that we all know are not always fun, fun, fun) but to share the joys and memories with someone who loves something or someone just as much as you do...that you created together. Having a partner that enhances this experience has been the greatest gift I have ever been given, with the exception of Sophie herself.

Sophie enjoys her time with Wyatt. She is very interested in his goatee and has begun pulling on it frequently. She studies his facial expressions and lights up when she sees him. He also loves to play music for her. The other day I heard the piano being played and thought it was Wyatt, but it was Sophie playing with her feet, with a bit of help from him. We took Sophie to a concert in the park on Monday and she really liked that. I think music will continue to be an important role in our family and I am so excited to see Wyatt continue to introduce her to the more and more. He's also come up with a few new tunes of his own for diaper changing time and other daily activities..."little baby bottom" is my favorite...

Sophie went to the doctor yesterday for her four month well visit and shots. She's now 15 pounds, 12 ounces and 26 inches long (both about 90 percentile). Wow! I just keep thinking about how quickly the time goes and how much she's already grown. People always tell you to hold on to every minute because it goes by so quickly. And they are right. And how much fun is to to see your child growing and learning right before you? Absolutely amazing. I guess it goes back to Goethe. Nothing is worth more than this day.

Blowout on I-55

Two weeks ago I walked into Sophie's school to pick her up and was greeted by a nice gentlemen who introduced himself. I'm sometimes bad with names and I must say I was hyper focused on that cute little girl hanging out in the swing to really pay attention to who he said he was, but soon after the introduction I heard "health department" and suddenly my ears did a double take. With letter in hand he begins to explain that there was a potential TB exposure within the infant program and that they are doing TB screening on all of the children in the program. Now, never having been through this sort of thing before, I realize that I'm not really sure what to do. So I look around, and notice the other moms whom have just been given the same spiel and have the same piece of paper in hand. One I know happens to be a nurse. Mental note, take cue from her, as I'm sure she has experienced this before...and if she is freaking out then I know better how to respond. No dice, she is cool, calm and collected. Ok, so that's a good sign, right?
Standing right next to me is my good friend whom I've just referred to start bringing her son to school with Sophie. This was his second day there after a bad experience somewhere else! Great! So, not only am I worried about Sophie but I'm also feeling somewhat responsible about subjecting him to the same thing. Hopefully we're still friends.
I think we both took the information in stride and walked out together. "So, yeah, um..."is the phrase that came out of both of our mouths at the same time. "Call you later". Fast forward a couple of hours and she's already done her own research online and I've talked to my sister in law who's called her pediatrician to get the 411.
The timing of this TB outbreak couldn't be better. We're supposed to be leaving the following day to visit family so I can't take her to get tested before we leave (because I'll need to bring her back in 48 hours later for the test to be read and we won't be back yet). And we won't be back on Monday when they are coming to the school to administer tests there. So I make an appointment for Tuesday morning. Great. While I'm at the doctor, I'll also ask him about her first cold that she's just gotten while we were away on our trip, recommendations about her teething and suggestions for her inability to go poo. Not quite. Never having been through a TB outbreak, I didn't know that Sophie's appointment was just for shots and that she wouldn't be seen by the doctor. (In hindsight this makes sense - especially after seeing 100 other kids in the waiting room on the "shot list" so that they can return to school). So the nurse tells me that I can see the lady at the front desk to make an appointment. Ok. So the lady at the front desk leaves a message for the lady who schedules appointments to call me. Ok. So four hours later she calls and says I can come back at 4:00pm. Ok. Hello, Dr. Laue! Have I got some news for you!
Poor kid. She went a good four days without having a bowel movement and this is not like her. I fear that I've passed on my "crippled digestive system" (what my gastrointernalogist diagnosed me with...that's a clinical term, right?) My aunt and I drove through a tornado to aquire some pear juice and I think this did the trick. The next day and three bowel movements in four hours later...Sophiebug was feeling much better ("blowout on I-55" takes on a whole new meaning :)
That night we slept at my sister's place and I slept on the couch right next to the pack and play. I heard Sophie sniffling. Sniffling? But she didn't appear to have any problem sleeping. Yet. The next morning she awoke with a mild fever and congestion. Her first cold! Wouldn't you know that all of this happens when I am out of town and my owner's manual, aka What to Expect The First Year, is at home? Luckily, I did have my mom who was super helpful...especially when it came to giving some TLC to Sophie on our long journey back home. Let's not forget our pit stop in Nashville to pick up my college roomy, Mon! Sophie was so patient in her car seat...and we all know how much she loves that!
It's been a week and Sophie is doing much better...her TB test was negative, her cold has almost completely cleared up and although she continues to be irregular, she has been going poo without intervention. Oh, and she's over 15 lbs. 7 ounces...so she's thriving! (In fact, the thought of her weight doubling before she outgrows her car seat makes my arms very sore!)
Now...to tackle that little teething problem...

The Best Day

I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about the delivery experience and how awful it was...or how painful it was...or how long it was...or how the epidural wasn't effective...or...you get the drift, I'm sure. I don't think people share those stories because they want other women to be scared of the process and I certainly don't think they see it as a means of competing to win the most sympathy. I do, however, think that it is therapeutic to share such an emotional and unique experience with others so I tend to listen to them...My story was not like any of the above mentioned scenarios. If I could bottle my delivery experience and give it away to every other pregnant woman on earth I would do just that.

My due date was April 17th, 2009. Everything had gone as planned. I had a smooth pregnancy. My quad screen came back normal. I (eventually:) passed my glucose test. We were pretty positive that we were having a girl. We had passed our parenting class (even got a certificate to prove it). And, we even had the car seat properly inspected by a car seat specialist at the hospital four days before we had Sophie. By my account...we were as ready as this girl was going to be. Our friends and family threw us a beautiful shower two weeks before our due date and two days later we had gone in for a check up. By this point we were going every two weeks. Things were moving along...but slowly. So, I initiated the conversation with my doctor about inducing me if I had not gone into labor by that day. She was all for it! Woohoo, let's get this party started! That was on April 6th, one week before we had Sophie.

So, the plan was that I would check into the hospital on Easter Sunday at 6pm and then induction would start at 6 am the next morning. Good plan. We were able to get together with our family for an afternoon Easter dinner. It was great. Our parents, the Rawls, and Clem and Pam were there and my sister and Jordy were on their way down from St. Louis. The calvalry had been called in and they were ready to help us celebrate! The most difficult part about that day was not realizing that I would soon be in labor, but leaving Bama, because I knew I wouldn't see her for at least two days...and I knew that she would no longer be the only "child"...she had been with me for six years and I knew that from that point on her life would be changed, too. So after a hormone induced cry session after leaving her at my in-laws, we were on our way to the hospital. (You will hear me refer to my husband as a good sport often...and this was one of those times).

We had toured the hospital a few weeks prior to D Day so we knew what to expect. We were given a brand new labor/delivery room that was awesome, except for the sleeping apparatus for the guest, aka, my wonderfully supportive husband. But he survived. One of the coolest things about the room was my bed...the picture on the side of the control panel was of a preggo stick person! I know, I know, I'm easily amused. The room was huge...and we knew ahead of time that there was a three person limit during delivery. But they were very cool about visitors. And I had plenty! Sunday night, after we were all set up and just in "hurry up and wait mode", I got a call from some good friends who were at Coldstone Creamery. "Want some ice cream?" Yes! Tiz and Erin (and Robyn and Shags who waited in the car) brought us delicious ice cream cupcakes. There were several left over so really it was the best-case scenario...I got ice cream in the delivery room and the staff did, too...so they were really nice to me!

The nurse woke me up at about 5:30 am and the D Day plan was in full effect. If you're not familiar with the induction plan, it's pretty basic. There are a series of steps, the first (for most) is the application of a substance to thin the cervix. This is done the night before every four hours. Then, the next morning the petocin is started to bring on contractions. For me, my plan included the ever popular "E" word before the petocin. The "E" word correlates to my irregular digestive system...so I'm sure you can figure that out. So glad I opted for that. Although I will tell you...that was the worst part of my delivery experience! Everything was smooth sailing after that...no kidding!

My nurses were all terrific. I had opted for my epidural as soon as they started the petocin. So I really only felt contractions for about 10 minutes. And let me tell you, they were enough. My anesthesiologist was well, how shall I say it...God-like. He was in and out of my room in under ten minutes. I didn't really feel pain. And beyond that, it began working immediately. And worked until post delivery (as my legs fell off the bed more than once). I was able to experience the entire delivery without pain and in the presence of my family and an occasional brave friend!

The first six centimeters came somewhat slowly in relation to the last four. By noon I was only at 4cm but I had Sophie at 2:03! The best part about it was that I had my husband, mother and sister right there with me. It was so very special. And other than realizing that my doctor was M.I.A. and my nurse was delivering two babies at the same time, everything was smooth...we did find my doctor who literally ran in the room to catch Sophie and my nurse called for backup so she could stay with me. It all worked out. We also had some awesome music playing for our listening enjoyment...a blend of Van Morrison, Bob Marley, and other favs. "Don't worry 'bout a thing" was actually "the" song when Sophie was born. How fitting is that?

Sophie's cord was wrapped around her neck, which was a little scary, but Dr. Callison wasn't worried about it. She was stealth and before I knew it, Sophie's color was good and she was letting us know she did not appreciate the bright lights. She was perfect. Dr. Callison told us back in December that she thought I would have about an eight pounder. And before Sophie was born everyone was guessing, as well. Dr. Callison's guess was 7 lbs. 14 oz. before she even saw her. She was 7 lbs. 15.7 oz. Is she good, or what!

There are so many minute details that I remember about that day...like how antsy I was to get up to the room to see everyone...only to be a bit overwhelmed to see everyone...how our pediatrician kicked everyone out of my room when he made his rounds...how moved I was the first time Sophie and I bonded through nursing...how nervous I was to hold her in fear that I would break her...how beautiful it was to see Wyatt holding his brand new baby girl...how proud our parents were of their granddaughter...but most importantly, how thankful I was to God for the gifts of friendship, family and love that he had given us on this special day.

Thanks to everyone who was there with us, either in person or in spirit. I truly believe that Sophie knows that she is loved by all of you. I know that Wyatt and I do.

Ankles, Cankles and Thankles

Being pregnant was the most amazing (and enjoyable) experience I've ever had...actually, I take that back - giving birth to Sophie was even more so. But when you're talking about such a long period of time to be accumulating anxiety, excitement, fear and unfortunately, weight... I think I was very lucky to say that overall it was great.

I think it's funny how everyone refers to pregnancy as nine months in duration, when in reality, it is ten. Four extra weeks, thirty extra days...Those days can seem like eternity when you are so big that it is nearly impossible to heave yourself off of the couch because you are so big. But, I took all of the physical effects in stride for the most part and tried to focus on the fact that I was sharing my body with another human being.

The first time I felt her move, at 19 weeks, was spectacular. I had read so many different articles and books about feeling movement and how difficult it was to describe it. But when I felt it, I immediately knew that it was our first formal introduction. I would lie awake at night just waiting for our next interaction. And after she became super crazy active baby she became our entertainment most evenings. We would sit on the couch and just laugh at Sophie's limbs protruding from my stomach. Toward the end she had a pattern of movement and I separated my belly into quadrants so that I could report where she was at any given time (and for the record she enjoyed the upper left quadrant most days).

Getting pregnant seemed to be the biggest challenge for us - but once we were there I was blessed with good health. My biggest struggles were nausea and swollen feet and ankles. My doctor prescribed me Zofran for the nausea and it worked wonders. My nausea lasted up to the day that I had Sophie, but the meds kept it at bay. Eventually, I only had to take one in the morning and I was set for the rest of the day. I remember asking Dr. Callison if she was concerned that I was still taking them after the first trimester and her response was that she took them multiple times every day when she was pregnant and that I would be just fine. Ok. Sounds good!

The swollen feet and ankles were definately a progression. In fact, I was down to one pair of shoes toward the end of my pregnancy...black patent ballet flats that were so stretched that the sides of the shoes touched the ground. Yikes! My only saving grace was that Spring was approaching and I could begin wearing flip flops the last few weeks. If nothing else, it was a good topic of conversation. I was definitely sporting the cankles for a while. It was awesome to see my ankles shrink again two weeks post delivery. I didn't care if my butt was still huge, I had my ankles back!

One thing I loved about being pregnant was that so many women empathized with me and supported me through it. And for the most part, people saved the war stories for the actual "delivery story" and focused mostly on trying to help me feel more normal. And when your body has been taken hostage by another person, feeling normal is as good as it gets! One friend of mine told me that when she was preggo she didn't have cankles, she had thankles! And when I failed my first glucose test, there were several other friends who told me that it would all be ok, they'd been there, too. (I know, I failed it...but it was the week after Christmas! That's not exactly fair!).

Speaking of delivery war stories, I don't have one, and I can't wait to write about my awesome experience. From the sounds of it, we all need to hear more of these!

Aw, nuts...and bugs!

My dad gave me the nickname, Peanut, at a very young age. He said that it took forever for my hair to grow and in the meantime it was hard not to focus on my oddly-shaped noggin. He still calls me Peanut every now and then. So, naturally, when we told my parents we were going to have a baby he had to coin a nickname for her. After looking at the first ultrasound picture at eight weeks, Dad concluded that she looked like a cashew.
A few weeks later, I got a message from some good friends that they had the perfect name for her until we knew if she was a boy or a girl. Flip Flop. And considering I was in full-blown morning sickness - all day- it seemed fitting...because that's what she was doing!
Back in December, as I was journaling about a doctor's appointment that I had had, and after we had chosen the name Sophie, I began referring to her as Sophiebug. Just kind of rolls off your tongue. Wyatt and I never really thought we would get caught up in the silly nicknames that so many parents give their children. But that was before we had one of our own! Now I can say that we call her Sophiebug more than Sophie! Never say never, right?

More time

Tonight I went to a movie that I wasn't ready to see. A good friend gave me the book to read and I couldn't put it down a couple of weeks ago. We talked about how the ending in the book and the ending in the movie were very different and I thought that I wanted to see it. I will say that the movie was done very well...and it wasn't the movie, per se, that was so difficult, but the parallels in the subject matter with more than one member of my family. I just couldn't stop thinking about them and how much I love them. And how every day for them is about making the choice to be couragious, optimistic and happy, despite everything else.

I also couldn't stop thinking about how much I love my daughter and my husband and how important they are to me. My life is forever changed because of them and I couldn't fathom having them not a part of it. I couldn't wait to get home and wrap them in my arms and give them both a million kisses. But when I got home Sophie was asleep and dad was worn out from his night with her. She apparently felt the need to cry from the time I got to the stop sign until about 20 minutes before I got home. She hasn't had a night like that in several weeks. So instead I krept into her room and kissed her on the forehead and came to relax in bed. I've never been so excited to nurse her when she wakes up in about three hours!

This was Sophie's third week in daycare and it has been very hard not only to be away from her but to put her life in another's hands while I'm not with her. But I'm starting to realize that she is always in someone else's hands. We all are. This is something that as a new mother I am struggling with but I am trying very hard to embrace.

So, perhaps tomorrow I'll reflect on my awesome journey through pregnancy, starting with "Cashew" and "Flip Flop"...but for now, I'm going to go stare at my handsome husband.